preparing children for guns

[estimated reading time 5 minutes]

when i was little, more moons ago than i would prefer to think about given the choice, it was very rare for intruders to penetrate schools and shoot children. it occasionally happened that an angry student in a high school or college would show up and start randomly attacking their classmates but elementary school felt relatively safe. other than the overwhelming culture of violence and bullying, of course. which is even worse now for many reasons, the main one being generalized acceptance of it. but there were no guns in my elementary school. not from the students or anyone else. and that is most definitely a good thing.

sadly it’s not true anymore. from sandy hook to uvalde and we know it’s not the last, only the most recent in the unending stream of school shootings — of elementary school shootings. we’re not talking about young adults. we’re talking about people committing mass-murder of children. of unknown, random children. there may be more evil things a person can do than execute children. but i can’t think of any.

what comes to mind, though, is the effort devoted to preparing children in modern classrooms for shooting incidents where an intruder enters the building and attempts to kill them. not only do they talk about it, they actually do drills to prepare in case it happens. which it seems likely to continue to. teachers have to coordinate locked doors and silent kids hiding out of sight. it’s like hide-and-seek but with the punishment for being found not being laughed at by the other children but your death and the execution in front of you of all your friends and your teacher.

it reminds me of something else just as meaningless and useless from my own childhood. i am a kid of the eighties — a millennial. which means i’m a child of the cold war, a time when here in north america we were told endlessly of the soviet threat, the russian soldier like goliath with an unlimited arsenal of nuclear weapons poised to strike and looking for the merest excuse to launch an unprovoked attack and annihilate the whole western hemisphere in a radiative nightmare of heat and light. this is what we were told by our elders, teachers, news broadcasts and popular culture. the russians were coming. if you haven’t seen red dawn, that’s about the sum of it. the old one. not the one about the north koreans. you should watch it. it’s awful but it’s a stunningly-accurate depiction of the cultural environment of the eighties.

the answer to this, however, was not to actually try to make real peace (korea? laos? vietnam? afghanistan? the war was, in fact, not particularly cold at all, was it?) with the soviet union and the rest of the warsaw pact but to train children to protect themselves in the face of a nuclear attack. by hiding under mdf-and-aluminum desks with our books over our heads. they called them “duck-and-cover drills”. we ducked under the desks and covered ourselves. because, of course, as we would later learn in our physics classes, the best possible radiation shield in an attack was mdf and hollow aluminum tubing, right? not to mention a hydrogen-fusion bomb wasn’t just going to vaporize us if it exploded in a nearby city… much like in our ridiculous religious indoctrination classes (yes, canadian schools were still run by the churches when i was a child) telling us not to worry about war with the soviets because god was on our side and wouldn’t let children die. yes, in the middle of the aids epidemic.

which is why it reminds me so vividly of that when i hear about these senseless but all-too-predictable shooting incidents like yesterday’s. we’re fighting the wrong enemy in a war that shouldn’t exist.

why are we training children to be quiet? that won’t save them. why are we training children to be afraid when all it’s doing is causing them to have more painful daily lives in school, wondering when the next terrifying adult will start rattling the doorhandles and screaming, waving a gun around? that certainly won’t save them. and why are we putting the idea in their heads that if they don’t shut up and hide the deaths of all their friends will somehow be their fault for not being good enough at keeping quiet and hiding from the enemy? if this isn’t a recipe for future therapy needs, i don’t know what is.

let’s fix the problem.

what’s the problem? it’s not that people are angry, though that’s definitely a problem. it’s not that people are self-indulgent, though that’s an even larger one. and it’s not that people have guns, though that’s a massive one right there, too. it’s that people believe that hurting others is valid, that children are a legitimate target for anger and violence and that hurting others is a possible solution to their problems.

how do we fix that?

well, there are many things that need to be done. but the first thing is to talk about it. publicly, collectively as a society. we need to start understanding as a group that anger is wrong. that violence is unacceptable. and, more than anything else, that causing others pain, even in retribution, is never a solution to problems. we need to get away from the “payback culture” or “retributive outlook” so thoroughly and ubiquitously adopted in the modern west. if someone hurts you, you hurt them back. that’s not what “an eye for an eye” was ever supposed to mean. and they’re not exactly up on their rabbinic literature, i suspect, anyway. but that’s what the western world has devolved into. payback. you’ve hurt me so i have every right to be angry and hurt you back. we binge youtube videos of retribution and causing harm. seriously, it’s one of the most commonly searched concepts. as a content-creator and teacher, this hurts me in more than one way.

there are practical things we can do, though, to improve the situation. other than cultural improvement, that is, to eliminate the source of the link between feeling angry and taking it out on innocent people.

the most significant thing we can do is take away the guns. no, i don’t mean background checks or mental-health evaluations or better tracking. i mean take away the guns. everyone’s. make firearms illegal for anything other than military and police purposes. this isn’t about “you have to register your weapon”. this is about “nobody should have a weapon at all”. and if you have one, it should be taken away and you should be prosecuted for possession. we don’t look at heroin or crystal meth and say “it’s a personal choice” or “it’s part of our history”. yes, what you put in your body is theoretically a personal choice. and drugs are certainly part of our history — at least as much as guns have ever been and if you don’t think that’s true let me know and i’ll convince you. with lots of evidence. we look at these as dangerous weapons destroying our children and young adults. among others. and we take them away because they’re too dangerous to be out there in the world killing people.

sounds like guns.

so there’s a clear decision to make — what we can do about guns. we can make a clear decision and say the lives of our children are more important than our personal freedom to have firearms. or they’re not. we can’t have it both ways. it’s one or the other. we sacrifice our guns to save our children or we sacrifice our children to save our guns.

i suspect, though it may simply be experience talking and experience tells me there’s no hope, i know the answer. we will sacrifice our children and allow them to die because we want guns.

prove me wrong.

abortion is good for you

[estimated reading time 5 minutes]

yes. it’s good specifically for you.

i believe the question of abortion is an exceptionally-simple moral and ethical one. it is fundamentally and absolutely barbaric to force any living thing to undergo pregnancy and childbirth. it is physically difficult and destructive, not to mention emotionally draining. its impact on life is larger than any other potential shift in medical status. perhaps, however, you are a barbarian who enjoys seeing females incur pain and suffering lasting their entire lives, childbirth not being the end of the impact of pregnancy but only the end of the first almost-year of decades of physical destruction resulting from carrying an infant to term. perhaps you have undergone it and believe other females should suffer as much as you. perhaps you are a sadist. this isn’t about religion. there’s no large-scale religion out there that subscribes to the idea that you should force anyone to carry a child and give birth. none. if someone has told you the bible says abortion is wrong, either they haven’t read the bible or you haven’t. if they’ve said there are passages in the qur’an that say females can’t select not to be pregnant, they’re corrupting the message of the prophet. and those are the only two popular religious systems at the moment anyone is even pretending speak against abortion — judaism, hinduism, sikhism and even philosophies like buddhism, daoism and confucianism are openly pro-choice and pro-women.

but perhaps you really feel strongly it’s bad for society or for you specifically. perhaps you’re such a bad person you worry if abortion was more accessible you would have been terminated. maybe that’s what it is — you don’t think you deserve to have been born and wonder what would have happened if your mother had had easier abortion access. i can probably put your mind at ease on that one. legalization of abortion hasn’t changed the number of abortions, only the number of women who survive them without significant health degradation. so if your mother had wanted to terminate you, she probably would have. you have nothing to fear.

so let’s get to something a bit more functionally-useful. if the argument about it being brutal, barbaric and unthinkably evil to force pregnancy and childbirth on another living thing doesn’t strike you as a basic truth — which it should — there is a perhaps-stronger argument. abortion is good for you. no, i don’t mean it’s good for women or good for potential-mothers or good for those who like autonomy and freedom. i mean it’s good for you. and it’s good for society. you in particular, though. let’s explore that a little. i suspect you’ve never thought about the practicalities of it in terms of it’s impact on you in particular and those around you but it really has quite a few and they’re all positive.

  1. population. this planet has dramatically too many people. there is absolutely no debate about whether earth is overpopulated, only what can be done about it and how large this problem actually is. the problem certainly exists. the impact of overpopulation is, as we have seen in recent years, significantly-increased risk of viral outbreaks, degradation of the environment, reduced availability of food, less available land and destruction of natural environments for housing, food-production and commerce. we need there to be less people. that either means less children being born or killing people to make the population sustainable. i’m not sure if you’re for or against killing people but i’m going to hope you’re against it. hope is good. i like to think everyone agrees with me that slaughtering large segments of the population for sustainability is a bad idea. the other solution to this problem is a dramatically-lower birth rate. we can only achieve that in practical terms by allowing people to select not to give birth and accept the social responsibility that there are already too many children so any new ones should be carefully planned and desired — and there are even too many of those. reducing the population over time will have the single largest potential improvement of any change we could make to this planet in terms of the survival of our species on it.
  2. healthcare. many of us live in places where there is poorly-provided socialized medicine. others in places where medicine is mostly-private but working on a market-demand system. in either situation, there is incredibly-strong demand in the medical system in general. this has two significant impacts on us as individuals. it reduces the supply of doctors and other healthcare professionals — try to find a good local doctor accepting patients and i suspect you’ll have difficulty and if you want to find a mental health practitioner you’re likely out of luck unless you want to be on a waitlist indefinitely. and it increases the cost of those services. whether that means the cost is increased in terms of government spending on healthcare putting more pressure on already-overloaded taxation systems or translates to you paying more and more in health insurance and in-hospital billing, the link is clear. more pregnancies, more births and more children being brought into the world combine to add a massive stress to an already-broken healthcare system through the vast majority of the world.
  3. housing. there are far too many people but the largest pressure-point in the contemporary housing market is new families looking to shift from small-apartment life to small-home and large-apartment life to accommodate young children. this is depleting the supply of affordable housing and pushing the housing market into a tailspin of pricing increases. the knock-on impact of this is the dramatic increase in cost of new-build supplies and labor, shortages in available housing and the inability of many people to afford either to remain in their current homes or move to new ones. with each new child born, your housing situation becomes more difficult.
  4. environment. children in the modern west require vast amounts of energy, water and manufactured goods to grow up. far more than most adults in practical, everyday terms, in fact. even if it was less, we are still talking about a significant impact on supply-chain systems and an already-overburdened world of production, transportation and disposal. in other words, having children means buying things for them, which had to have been made somewhere, using them and disposing of them when they’ve reached their end-of-life points. this increases demand for chemical and materials mining, extraction, processing and distribution, pollution from production, cost in financial terms and environmental degradation from disposal of used items, especially plastics. as children change far more quickly, disposal cycles tend to be much faster for children and as they are less discriminating consumers in general there is a tendency for their products to be lower-quality and more disposable — at least, on average. this means children are a significant factor in environmental damage. not to mention the impact their requirements for food-production and land-use have on an already-taxed ecosystem. more mouths to feed, bodies to clothe and individuals to keep busy means more damage to the world around us. while i’m sure we’re not suggesting we stop feeding and clothing our children — at least i hope we’re not — forcing the number of extra people created seems irresponsible in at least this way. added to the others, that is.

forcing another to experience pregnancy and childbirth is unthinkably horrific. it is evil. it is immoral. and it goes against the principles of all accepted philosophies and religions. if this means nothing to you, however, not only is abortion good for society but for you as an individual. it reduces the stress on a healthcare system that is, if not already failing you personally, will in the future. it reduces the pressure on the housing system, limits population growth at a time when it is out-of-control to the point it threatens our extinction and it reduces our impact on the natural world, which i’m sure you love to experience as much as me. it has no negative side-effects on those not directly undergoing the procedure — if you’re not the one having the abortion, you can’t possibly suffer from it. but you can certainly benefit.

so there’s no reason, unless you’re an ethical person, to think about the women who shouldn’t be forced to do these horrible things to their bodies. think about yourself. be selfish. be self-obsessed if you want to. look at the benefits to your society and you in particular of allowing abortion. it’s good for you.

thanks for exploring this with me.

the wrong questions

[estimated reading time 11 minutes]

there was an article in the times this morning (yes, the new york times — if you’re reading anything written or recorded in the united kingdom, you’re doing it wrong and i’m absolutely serious about that) bemoaning the fact that the person responsible for a recent mass-shooting was able to purchase an assault rifle despite having been mentally-unstable to the point of intervention recently in high school. and that is definitely troubling. but they’re asking the wrong question. why was he permitted to purchase an assault rifle while mentally unstable? well, because you can purchase an assault rifle. the answer to the question is as obvious as it is stupid. and there is exactly where the problem begins.

people have become conditioned to ask the wrong questions about violence. the question is not why he was able to purchase the weapon in his circumstances but why he was able to purchase the weapon at all. the question is not why he was able to plan violence without anyone noticing. it was why those who did notice didn’t do anything about it. and the question is, more generally, not why he wanted to perpetrate such an act of violence but why anyone would think of that as even a potential solution to the problem they are experiencing — perhaps in an even broader sense why they feel there is a problem in the first place and why they feel they should do something about it. why, in other words, is violence a possible answer to anything?

so let’s ask those questions.

1 why was it possible to buy an assault rifle?
2 why was it possible to discuss violence and nobody intervene?
3 what is the problem he was seeing in the world?
4 why was violence seen as a possible solution?

the first one has a simple answer but it’s as mindless as it is irrelevant. he was able to buy an assault rifle because it’s legal in most of the united states to do it. there are restrictions and perhaps he didn’t meet all the requirements, though i suspect if he didn’t he was very close. but again the question has an implication that makes it rather less functional in terms of understanding the greater issue. what do you use an assault rifle for? it’s a military device. its purpose is simple. it’s the purpose of all firearms. killing or at least hurting living beings.

given the generalized disregard for life in the western world, i expect this is somewhat unsurprising. the vast majority of people in the modern west daily cause the mass-slaughter of non-human life not just for their consumption but their pleasure. while that is disgusting and reprehensible, that is less the concern in terms of violence than a much larger issue of failed morality. the disregard for human suffering and death, however, has been made very clear by the recent pandemic. two years have passed so far and more than a million people in the united states alone have been relegated to worthlessness by causing their deaths instead of preventing wave after wave of infection through tight controls on movement and infection. the government didn’t care. the people supporting the government didn’t care. the message was clear — if you’re not in my family and you’re not my friend you don’t matter and my money, my job and my pleasure are far more important than your survival.

then we ask the question why someone mentally unfit to have a device built to kill people was permitted to acquire one? if you want a device designed to kill people, are you not automatically mentally-unfit? in all seriousness, there are only two reasons to own a weapon. one is to collect them as objects of art and i know a few people who do this, usually with historical weapons. and they can certainly be beautiful. the other reason is to kill people. it really is that simple and most people who own weapons do it because they think they’ll have to use them for their intended purpose, not just to decorate their homes. so instead of asking the question why someone likely to use a gun to kill people can buy a gun it’s probably far better to ask the question why it is permitted at all to have a weapon in the general public.

i strongly believe in the abolition of the military. very strongly, in fact. but while there is a military it needs weapons. but military and law-enforcement are the only legitimate uses for deadly force. if that’s the only place people should be permitted to kill, why are we giving anyone else the increased ability to do it? sure, you can kill someone with your hands. or an ax. but an ax’ primary purpose isn’t to cause death. unless you’re a tree. that would be like saying you can stop the abuse of prescription drugs by returning to a system of medication that uses nothing more advanced than herbs — the medication is useful enough for the side-effects on society to be unpleasant but necessary. in terms of guns, though, that’s more like the addition of heroin to the standard list of items at your local drugstore. it’s not just unnecessary. it’s unthinkable. yet we do it all across western society.

beyond having a gun, though, people plan attacks. whether they do it in their heads or with others is often unpredictable and depends on their particular situations but it is often the second. these discussions sometimes get reported to the authorities or mental-health intervention teams and are stopped before they become violent and people are killed. but all too often they are not. is it because people don’t take these discussions seriously? in the climate of the last few decades, i suspect that is far less-frequently the case than people like to pretend when they’re trying to absolve themselves of guilt in the aftermath. much as the holocaust was perpetrated by willing participants and facilitated by willing onlookers across the whole western world who felt it wasn’t just desirable but justified — those who didn’t want to do it were perfectly happy to watch it happen. it was open antisemitism on the part of the actors and thinly-veiled antisemitism on the part of everyone else who knew it was happening — and it was reported in the public press repeatedly so anyone who says the world wasn’t aware is either lying or stupid.

so the question is why didn’t these people who were aware of what was being said (in this and other instances) say nothing. and the answer is as troubling as it is obvious. it’s because they desired the outcome they thought was likely. either they didn’t care people were going to be killed or they wanted it to happen and the distinction between being ok with death and desiring death is a question of minimal darkness rather than one of direction. are we talking about extremists or simply people who love violence? are we talking about those who desire death or those who find it entertaining? are these people who enjoy the suffering of others in general or these target populations in particular? i suspect you know the answers as well as me.

which gets to what is potentially the most painful of these questions to ask — what is the world’s problem identified by the violent perpetrator in this and many similar events? there are several candidates. the obvious answer, though perhaps not the correct one, is the existence of black people in a country they believe should only be filled with whites. it’s part of the answer, i suspect, though not the whole story. what we’re talking about isn’t just white-supremacy. we’re talking about american exceptionalism and racial gradation theory and that is far more complex than just “i hate black people” or “white people are better”.

let’s take a moment to look at the complexity of this argument. it’s not that i support it. very extremely the opposite, in fact. but it’s important to recognize the argument to be better able to fight against it. the argument looks like this. western countries are inherently and historically dominated and controlled by white majorities subjugating non-white groups. these countries are economically and militarily (the first because of the second, in fact) more successful and this is because they are run and populated by whites. as a result, whites are better. this is compounded by the notion that evolution was progressive so as the original people (likely dark-skinned) moved out of africa the new populations (with lighter skin) developed more so the black races are more evolutionarily-primitive and deserve to be subjugated. before going on to the exceptionalism argument, it might be useful to take careful note of the fact that these assumptions are based on blatant lies and i suspect most of the people teaching them and a lot of those accepting them and embracing them know they’re lies — that’s not how evolution works and skin color isn’t about evolving abilities but latitude. the closer you live generation after generation to hot, sunny climates, the darker your skin will be. travel in a place like north africa and you’ll see the gradations of skin color approximately following the distance from the equator. it’s not as obvious in the united states for three reasons — mass-migration on a short time-scale, frequent relocation within a span of generations and a generalized mixture of skin color to begin so a non-homogeneous population baseline to compare.

the exceptionalism argument follows much the same trajectory. america functions on a somewhat different platform of government and economic planning than other countries. it has been successful. it must be better. so americans and the american way of doing things is better. of course, american in this context is usually a filler for “white, anglo-saxon protestant american” because in the minds of people with this type of argument you can’t be a real american while being non-white or non-christian, for example. a black muslim might be a citizen. a secular chinese person might be a citizen. but an average dude from alabama or rhode island is an american, passport-irregardless. this avoids a very clear historical truth, though. america is successful by accident, not design. what were the other possible dominant economic and military powers in the world at the time when america was asserting its dominance? russia? just destroyed by the war. all the major european powers? they just spent the first half of the century destroying each other. japan? bombed into submission by an aggressive american government using mostly-european technological advances paid for by american money. china? just went through multiple revolutions and conquests by an american-encouraged imperial japan after centuries of fighting over tea and opium against the british and facing internal rebellions perpetrated by supporters of christianity to subjugate the ruling dynasty. american won because it was doing things right? not even slightly. it won the economic and military game because it was the only one left standing in the middle of the twentieth century and that’s when the game ended because continued war on a global scale was unthinkable. not that it’s stopped. just that it’s stopped being called that. it was like climbing to the top of a mountain that’s only as high as your house, planting a flag and declaring yourself the winner while everyone else is still asleep then building a fence around the mountain so they can’t climb it at all. it’s not difficult to climb. not at all. and in this case china has done is far more thoroughly, which scares many of these extremists — and those who sadly listen to them.

so they see these as problems. people who aren’t white being treated as equals. having jobs. having rights. having anything or even being there. and they want to fix it as if that’s their worst nightmare. as if it even has an impact on their lives.

which is where i think the largest problem actually appears. not that they think this is a problem but that violence is the solution. why?

i suspect there are three reasons — extreme thoughts, culture and acceptance.

we know these people are extremists. but i think the notion that violence solves problems is extreme but generally accepted in modern society. the first reason it’s seen as a solution, though, is that violence is the most extreme possible answer to any question. thinking about something is very quiet. talking about it is less but quite peaceful. yelling about it is less peaceful but still nonviolent. violence is the end of that line. so we can talk about these people as extremists. but that just absolves us and our societies of guilt. and that’s neither fair nor the majority of the truth.

our culture is a massive part of the reason these events happen. violence is seen as an acceptable answer to problems. i suspect i know what you’re thinking — i’m going to complain about violent movies and video games. actually, no. while i think those are symptoms of the problem, they’re certainly not the cause. there was plenty of violence in the world in america and everywhere else long before the advent of movies, television and video games. though in many ways it has become worse since their invention. that link isn’t nearly as causal as people like to believe, though. i’m not a fan of violent movies and games but i don’t think eliminating them would have a significant impact on our current situation.

why do i say they are a symptom? it’s because of fulfillment of desire. companies spend literal billions of dollars producing movies and video games that are extremely violent for one reason and it’s not because they want our streets to be more violent or have more guns on them. at least i hope not. but i can’t imagine large-scale enterprise having an interest in that unless disney and ea games have been significantly investing in the global arms trade. they’re doing it for the same reason companies make anything else — it’s profitable. and it’s profitable because people are prepared to spend money on it. a lot of money. all the time. there are few more profitable industries than entertainment, though it takes huge investment and comes with massive risk. which leads us to a very dangerous question. if people, most of who spend a large portion of their lives complaining they don’t have enough money, are prepared to spend untold quantities of that money watching movies and buying games that are violent, what’s the attraction?

from the beginning of the world, humans have used violence to solve their problems in a way animals never did. animals attacked each other for evolutionary reasons. humans did it for emotion. they felt disrespected or afraid. they lashed out in anger or jealous or rage. not to guarantee their survival or protect their children but because they wanted to. take a second to think about that. they used violence because they wanted to. in anger or frustration they turned to fists. those fists became knives and swords, eventually guns and bombs and chemicals and biological agents. lust and jealousy, anger, frustration, sensations of disrespect. they started to see violence as a valid way of getting what they wanted. this is why revolutionary leaders preaching nonviolence were so shocking and so feared by governments whose whole way of dealing with the world was either violence or the threat of it returning, either from outside (like the roman empire) or directly from that government (like the soviet union). you may be thinking ghandi but the mahatma was far from the first to preach nonviolence. turn the clocks much, much more in that direction and you’ll see nonviolence preached by the buddha and everyone’s favorite spiritual figurehead, jesus of nazareth, perhaps the most misunderstood of history’s significant figures and a teacher whose lessons in love, acceptance and peace were some of the most profound and meaningful things ever spoken. my respect for jesus knows no bounds. sadly so many who pretend to speak for the “white american christian population” haven’t just missed the main points (love, acceptance, peace) but have subverted his messages and turned him into a warrior king, which he didn’t just not become but specifically talked about why he wasn’t.

of course there are plenty of nonviolent protestors in the modern world who deserve our respect. martin luther king jr and thich nhat hanh immediately come to mind but there are thousands of leaders in the black and latinx communities in america, for example, who espouse these methods. not those who commit violence, though.

but what’s most troubling isn’t either of these. the extremism is part of humanity. not good but frequently present through history, at least in small portions of the population. the violence is part of human history and we have a duty to eliminate it that has been avoided and ignored for far too long. but it’s the acceptance that’s most terrifying in the modern popular context. there was a mass-shooting this week. and what do we do? we accept it. we accept that violence and just shake our heads. we think “oh how sad” and move on with our days and do nothing. this is more serious than a pandemic of virus or a war. this is our whole society turning its backs on a problem with an obvious solution. because we don’t want to give up violence as a possible answer.

don’t like the government? revolt. don’t like the way things are done? fight. don’t like the guy next to you in the bar? call him out and hit him in the face. want sex from someone who isn’t receptive? force them onto the ground and do it anyway. violence is inherent in our culture and society and we accept it as part of everyday life. we don’t scream about it or try to eliminate it in a real and coherent way because we want to reserve ourselves the option that when we get angry, when we feel trapped and disrespected and when we don’t get what we want we can turn to our fists or even our guns.

so we are to blame for what happened. we’re always to blame. because in our collective desire to give ourselves a justification for our own past and future violent thoughts and actions we have justified and accepted those of others and validated their thoughts on the matter by simply not changing. we are saying violence is valid. it’s ok. it’s a possible solution to problems.

shame on us.

sensations

[estimated reading time < 1 minute]

(a poem about hypersensitivity)

no darkness consumes the soul
like the black of panic
flowing through the veins
and stealing every last drop of energy
to create a lightning bolt of passionate self-loathing
to suck the life
from not just this moment
but each instant to come
as an electrical storm within the spirit
focused on the lightning rod of the passing seconds
exterminating them
with the shallowest of breaths
and stealing the future from between my fingers
that taste of nothing but the blood
pounding between my ears
and echoing against my rib cage
suffocating the life from the moments
i had thought once i was able to steal back
from the mind that drinks my essence
and spits it into the river
where it drowns in the salt of earth
dragged from the depths of my long-dead desire
to stay awake
i reflect
yet know there is no reflection
no echo
no self to be seen
even if there was a mirror
i could look into
without crying and screaming
in the darkness of self
lost into the path
where light has no way to touch the feet
or the soul
or the spirit
or even the body
whose sensations have redefined haywire
and exploded
into an uncontrolled spiral of clouds
where ions charge themselves
then careen into the walls of the unconscious mind
where they sink deep below the surface
and start fires
with the flames of gunpowder on water
whose flames no longer consume
but only exploit those nearest
until their hearts swell to breaking
and their compassion turns to lost wanderings
in a desert of hopelessness
that smells vaguely sweet with orange blossoms and mint
until it drowns
in the missing footsteps of mirages of pretended sanity

choice

[estimated reading time 2 minutes]

(a poem about abortion and the idiocy that is sweeping the western world at the moment.)

once
when we were strong
they came for us
and drove wedges in places they did not belong
penetrated our ranks with division
tore us apart
until we had learned to eat each other
cannibalize our neighbors’ children
in times of continuous war
competition overriding our hope
insatiable lust drinking our enemies’ blood
until a sisterhood was no more than
disparate similarities
plagued by lines of fracture
and performed discontent
but that was
only once

now
we have lost ourselves
into a mire of our own creation
taken our freedom for granted
and institutionalized our tiny differences
as if they were all that defined us
rather than our humanity
and our bodies melting together
as a single spirit
divine feminine energy flowing through us
making us not simply whole
but a whole world of compassion
empathy with and without childbirth
yet that family
is not simply dysfunctional
but deceased
and it is a path of our own making
a place we walked willingly
to slaughter our present
to take away our own power
to lust for things
at the cost of people
seeking abundance in the face of scarcity
because our lives mattered
and none others did
we have built isolation
now

today
they come for us together
and we have forgotten how to live
a community of sisters
hands held in chains
and faces raised to the sun
not screaming
but shining in the dawn
a force for unity
rather than divided animals
squabbling and isolated
as they mount an army
locked together in brotherhood
waiting to fix its bayonets
and drive them through the floors
of our bodies
and thrust themselves
against our shattered lines
no longer sated by lust
but the conquest of war
its spoils not in gold
but blood and rape
their goals not treasure
but our liberty
and this is the battle
we must not lose
today

tomorrow
we will look back at this moment
and see ourselves in a different light
divided and weak
while we claim to be so strong
because that strength we see
is individual
not collective
and we are staged against an army
with no fractured divisions
no broken strength
nothing to take brother from brother
in its devotion to our subjugation
making us the objects of their desire
rather than the partners of their love
as love has died between them
as we have killed it between ourselves
so we must walk away from that future
and hold hands
not because we feel the same
but because we have everything to lose
stop tearing down the statues
our neighbors have built of themselves
but start worshiping at the tortured feet
once bound but now free
of feminine beauty
shining yet curiously secret
in its hidden power
if we can only awaken it
and stand with our hands
not simply held together
but embracing each other by the shoulders
a community become a wall
no shouting can tear down
we can look back on this moment
and say we were all one
a single force
where nothing can ever be taken from us
not by force
and not by our own complacency
or popularity driving our desires
we have a single chance
to be proud of our sisterhood
before it is too late
and today’s lost war
is simply a relic
we study
and cry over
like those first sips
after birth
of spilled milk
drowning us
tomorrow

not-quite-virgin birth

[estimated reading time 6 minutes]

with all the talk lately about the death of language — at least, the death of language as we know it — because nobody on the internet knows how to use english properly anymore, i thought it might be good to see the other side of that coin. the internet is where new language is born every day. but just because silly new words are being created by the makers on youtube and instacelebs on tiktok doesn’t mean that’s where this story begins. i think we need to look much more distantly into the past and explore the origins of a word you might not think of as either new or novel at all. online.

like many english words, online is a word that was created for a specific purpose that didn’t really exist before — and didn’t exist in any other language. if you’re not up on your history of english, english is a relatively-new language. it developed as the result of popular modifications to old german being fused with already-arcane court-french spoken by the upper-class members of english society at the time. the combination was a language with a mashup of french and german vocabulary, heavy on the french, with mostly-german grammar simplified to eliminate the majority of the complex relationship and case structure. because people were simply too uneducated to function with it anyway. french pronunciation was germanicized and spelling was somewhat-standardized, mostly relying on old spellings in either french or german. this created the disaster we now know of as modern english, though it’s gradually improving and becoming more streamlined. give it another century or two and it will be as advanced as modern mandarin chinese. i hope.

back to online, though. let’s talk about how the internet was born and why the word simply had to exist.

before the internet became a real thing, there was what was known as the “advanced research projects agency network” — arpanet for short. it connected military installations across america with a few select research universities and it was all the awesomes at once. we’ve skipped a step from the language perspective, though. network isn’t really a word that makes any sense out of context. but it’s not a computer term — at least it didn’t start that way.

we use nets to catch things. mostly fish. from the beginnings of the time of settled agriculture quite a few thousand years ago during the neolithic revolution (you know — when farming became a thing and people stopped following mammoth tracks and hunting wild cattle). you make a net by taking something loosely-approximating string and tying knots in it in a grid pattern. now you can get a fish to go in one side and not come out the other. i believe they call this dinner. i’m against killing things. passionately against it. so i don’t do this to fish. though i’m a fan of using this technique on disruptive humans, especially those of the anti-education, populist persuasion. but that’s another story.

the word “work” may strike you as having something to do with a job but in old times it actually didn’t carry that meaning at all. it had a significance far closer to the words “how” and “way”. it was how something was done. “woodwork” was how you worked with wood. it’s loosely-equivalent to the suffix “ware” now that gets tacked onto things like “lacquerware” or “silverware” as in “the form of”. so “network” meant anything that was connected in the manner of a net. simple. interconnectedness — if you don’t know the story of indra’s net, you should read it. it’s one of the basic principles of buddhist thought and logic. but again we are off-topic — something i’m rather known for.

back to arpanet. normal people couldn’t connect to it. actually, nobody could connect to it. it wasn’t a thing you joined. it was an infrastructure project. joining arpanet was like having your own onramp directly to the interstate from your living-room. so people didn’t have that. not to mention personal computers weren’t really a thing yet so there was nothing to “connect”, anyway. that came in time, though. when the first non-terminal personal computers like the ibm pc, the commodore pet and 64 and the apple ii started to get popular, people suddenly didn’t just have computers — they knew people who had computers. instead of talking like normal people on their rotary-dial phones and by throwing paper-airplanes (yes this was the seventies), they wanted their computers to talk. on the phone. like (you know) normal people, as if such a thing existed as the world woke into the eighties. i’m a child of the eighties if that wasn’t already obvious.

but computers — especially computers then — didn’t speak. they used binary to communicate. this binary information had to be converted to sound to go over the phone-lines. that process was called “modulation”. on one end, the computer modulated the information and it became sound — the squealing you heard on phone-lines if you were also a child of the eighties, i have no doubt. if you’re younger but still remember fax machines it’s probably much the same sound, though fax machines use a different kind of system to make it happen and it’s much more rudimentary. the computer on the other end demodulated the sound back into usable binary data. at first this was done using actual telephone handsets connected to boxes on the computers but those devices became standalone things plugged directly to the phone lines and we stopped calling them “modulator-demodulators” and shortened it to mo/dem — eventually modem. a new word was indeed born.

but it didn’t stop there. computers could talk directly to each other and that was great. then bulletin-board services (bbs) began to be common where a centralized computer collected information and others connected to it. it wasn’t just peer-to-peer but distributed and this was a huge step in the direction of what would eventually become the generalized internet. but again we’ve skipped something. a word. internet. that’s the “network of interconnected computers” or the “interconnected-network” or the … “inter-net”, for short. which became the internet, a single word. not just the birth of a new idea but a whole new way of looking at language. words that were once separate became joined then new words without their separation even being recognized. this is a process that’s happened in english (and other languages) for centuries (though not as long as you might think) but it’s been happening so fast in english the last few decades it often just goes straight from separate words through the mashup stage to the creation of a new word in a single leap and words jump out of youtube preformed — youtube, tiktok and instagram aren’t just social media giants. they’re newly-created words using this method. as are facebook and linkedin. but not twitter. that’s not just a stupid word. it’s a stupid idea. thankfully it’s gradually dying. let’s get back to language.

as the internet grew in popularity, more and more regular people wanted to connect to it. mostly for porn. but email and cat pictures were already rather popular. and other criminal things. not that cat pictures are criminal. but they’re like catnip. get you hooked and suddenly you’re pirating music and playing poker online and sharing… well, sharing those things you shouldn’t be sharing. which isn’t good.

how did they connect? they connected their modems (new word) to the phone-lines and connected to internet-service-providers (isp) where they piggybacked on hardwired connections to the distributed global network. it was actually relatively simple. still is, just scaled-up. the question, though, was whether you were connected. but if you asked someone “are you connected to the internet?” it was cumbersome, long and non-specific. they could take that to mean “now?” or “ever?”. and that’s not useful to anyone. the idea of being connected wasn’t “always-on” but “do you connect to the internet to do stuff?” — if the answer was “yes” you were “on the line”. you connected to the lines between the “nodes” of the international network using the “line” from your house to the phone company. so you were on two different kinds of line. “on-line”, you could say. or, in time, online.

now online means something a little less divergent, of course. because everyone’s there, connected all the time. and nobody really asks if you’re online anyway because the assumption is that you’re one of two things — connected to the internet or dead. and if you’re dead you’re probably not having much of a conversation about technology with anyone and the answer is even more obvious. if you’re talking about network connectivity in your mediumship experiences you may need something from your life i can’t provide in an article.

but i hope that’s somewhat useful in understanding both connectivity (in the vague and historically-nonspecific sense) and the birth of new words in modern english. thanks for taking the time to explore the past of language with me yet again.

where to begin a love affair with trees

[estimated reading time 8 minutes]

you’re passionate about designing and building things. that’s a great start. but you don’t have a workshop. or you’ve got a workshop and it’s full of things you don’t use and you’re ready to start again. here’s what the temptation looks like. you go on craigslist and facebook marketplace and start browsing for good deals. then you buy them and bring them home and you gradually build a collection of mediocre, outdated tools. but you’ve got a workshop and that’s a great place to start and you can build from there, right?

no.

that is definitely what some people will recommend you do but i have five reasons why this is an awful starting point.

  1. if you’re not experienced using and maintaining equipment, you’re going to have a nightmare getting the machines working and they’re not going to perform well.
  2. safety precautions on old tools range from nonexistent to brutally-inadequate.
  3. parts are often unavailable, custom or extremely expensive — and shipping parts across or into the country that are often made of steel or cast iron means you’ll be beating your head against a financial wall.
  4. even if you can get them to work, old tools are going to break simply because they’ve been used so much so testing them to make sure they’re in working condition doesn’t eliminate the fact that they’re quite possibly older than your parents.
  5. most importantly, you’re a woodworker. not a machinist or powertool restorer. if you want to be one of those things, be one of those things. and you can be that as well as a woodworker (rollie johnson over at fine woodworking magazine, this is you!). but if what flutters your fall leaves is creating things from wood you won’t be spending much time doing that while you try to get old junk to hold square and level. which it might. but it probably won’t.

of course, this is about powertools. the equation and balance is completely different for handtools where antique might be (and often is) the best option even for beginners, especially as supply-chain disasters hit major manufacturers and prices spiral through the roof. but let’s talk about a shop where you know you’re going to be producing things for sale because that’s what we do. this isn’t about a hobby. it’s not about playing with curls or bashing together stick-furniture to foist on your unsuspecting adult offspring. this is about building a shop that will pay for itself. as quickly as possible. and that means designing and building efficiently and with quality results. so how do you start when your budget doesn’t allow you to just go to the powertool dealer near you and order a whole workshop full of equipment?

well, you start small and smart and you don’t buy a workshop full of equipment. you buy a few well-considered powertools, some handtools and you work your way up without compromising or investing in soon-to-be-replaced excrement and antique-wannabe paperweights along the way. let’s briefly take a walk down that path.

a beginning small-scale production workshop is going to need what i call the holy-trinity-of-startup-tools. and you might be surprised what that list includes. actually, you might be more surprised by what that list doesn’t include. it doesn’t include a tablesaw. it also doesn’t include what i call “disposable tools”. i’m assuming you have a drill. cause everyone has a drill. a cordless one you picked up cheap at walmart twenty years ago is just fine. you need some bits for it in common sizes but honestly you can wait years before upgrading to a nice drill. you will someday dump that twenty-buck mess for something nice but wait until you’ve decided which battery platform you want to standardize on and just get whatever they make when it’s convenient and on-sale. the same goes for a sander. your inexpensive random-orbital will do everything you need. it’ll be annoying. but it’ll work and you’ve got it in the closet already.

the three tools are these.

  1. bandsaw
  2. thickness-planer
  3. handheld router (no, not trim-router — full-size with a half-inch collet)

let’s talk about why.

a tablesaw cuts straight lines very accurately. there’s no drift (unless you’re either stupid or incredibly unlucky). it does one thing well. it’s a specialized expert in straight things — you can think of it as the powertool equivalent of a homophobic conservative (you know, only into straight things but deeply devoted to that obsession). a jigsaw can cut curves but it’s messy. what you want is something in the middle. a saw that can cut straight lines mostly well — approximate is close enough for almost everything because you’ll be fine-tuning with a chisel or sander anyway. something that can do accurate curves. something that can resaw. that’s a bandsaw. it’s not perfect at anything but it’s the jack-of-all-trades of the powertool saw world. it’ll get you started.

now i know what the next question will be. what size bandsaw should you get? there are two possible answers to that. you want your bandsaw to be as big as possible and as accurate as possible. and those two things dramatically increase the price. so here’s the solution. sacrifice size for quality. get a small — yes, small — bandsaw. a fourteen-inch model. you’re going to upgrade it later when your shop becomes profitable enough to pay for it. but here’s the thing about a fourteen-inch bandsaw. it’s awesome. and it will do 95% of everything you need to do in a small shop. that other 5%? well, you’re just going to have to do that by hand. but the difference between a small bandsaw and even an inexpensive large one is literally thousands. it’s up to you. but i’d start with a nice, well-built small one and take it from there.

the other thing you’re probably wondering is the question every woodworking teacher gets asked constantly — should i buy a planer or a jointer first? there is only one answer to this question. it’s always the same answer. buy a planer. the jointer is unnecessary. you may actually never need a jointer. there are all kinds of ways to use your planer to joint boards. but there’s absolutely no way to use a jointer to plane to thickness and guarantee parallel faces or edges. it’s just that simple. if you are going to work without a thickness-planer, you have to do all your thicknessing and smoothing by hand. and that will simply make your workshop too slow to be functionally profitable. it will never pay for itself. if you want to make furniture, you need a planer. there’s no equivocation on that. you can play around and have fun without one. but it’ll be a case of spending money hand over fist for materials and tools that you’ll never be able to make pay for themselves.

the third thing on the list, though, is probably the one that confuses people the most at first. and that’s because you’ve likely been told all the wrong things about what a router is for. or perhaps even what a router-table is necessary to make happen with a router. you’ll eventually want a router-table. they’re amazing. but you can do almost everything without the table, especially if you build a nice large secondary base for your handheld (plunge) router. a router is the most multifunctional tool out there. it will edge. it will joint. it will allow you to produce things from templates and flush edges. and it will make cutting a lot of joinery an absolute breeze. if there’s one tool that really makes the difference between just barely doing things and doing them well, repeatable and easily, this is the tool. get a good plunge router. not an amazing one for thousands. a good one. makita makes a nice one. so does bosch. the dewalt is totally ok. porter-cable has one, too. just pick one and get it. again, you’ll upgrade it later but they’ll all satisfy your needs for the moment.

once you have those, you’re ready to get started, right?

well, no. not quite. you’ll need a few other basic things but they’re not powertools. they’re handtools — at least they’re mostly at least sort-of handtools.

you need a workbench. it doesn’t have to be three meters long or anything. but you need a stable work surface. you’re going to be cutting joinery and that means you need a place to use a chisel. which brings us to chisels. you’ll need some of those, too. a small set of relatively-inexpensive chisels will be a great place to start. the narex ones have ridiculous handles but they’re totally ok. now you need a way to sharpen them. so get a set of diamond stones (coarse, fine, very fine) and that’ll get you through it. get a mallet (or build one) — if this costs more than five bucks you’re doing it wrong. once you have all that out of the way, you need a couple of saws. i recommend a dozuki and a rough kataba. the dozuki will let you cut fine, accurate joinery. the kataba will be for rough dimensioning. the other thing you need is a basic handplane. an old stanley jack is great. or a modern brand. get a cheap one. you’re not aiming for smooth and perfect. you’ll use it for basic rough flattening. if you spend more than fifty bucks, you’ve overshot the runway. and you might get away with half that. then there are a few other extras.

you need clamps. lots of clamps. no, not a hundred. but a couple of dozen cheap clamps won’t go astray for fairly small projects like bookshelves and coffee-tables. they don’t have to be brand-name (bessey and jet make awesome clamps but they’re simply not worth the money) — get the cheapest large clamps you can that put lots of pressure on a board. some small (18-24”) and a few larger (36”+) are a good investment and you can never have too many. then you need a way to measure things. a good metal ruler won’t break the bank and that’s enough. and some 0.5mm mechanical pencils to mark with. don’t use a knife. i have many reasons for saying that and i’ve written extensively about why marking gauges and knives and all those tools are simply a waste of time if you are serious about doing this — they are toys people find fun to play with but you simply don’t need them and they often cause far more trouble than improvement. now you’re ready to start building.

well, sort of, at least. you need some protective gear like face-masks but we’ve all got loads of those around the last few years, right? safety-goggles are a must. and wear clothing that’s not too loose or you could get it caught in a machine and that would be … unpleasant.

that’s the beginning, though, of your basic love-affair with woodworking.

if you’re curious where to go from there, i have a simple roadmap that i can describe in a single paragraph. once you start producing things and getting paid for turning trees into crafts, your first significant upgrade is adding a tablesaw. a real tablesaw. with a cabinet. when you can afford it, get that. until that point, keep waiting. then get a router-table and a trim-router. a table with a good-quality lift like the rockler or kreg or jessem because without a lift it’s just a handheld router with a big base and you’ve already got one of those. why a trim-router? you already have a big router. stick that in the table. now you need a little one for the detailed handheld work. no need to get a second big router. i suggest the next thing you seriously consider at this point isn’t what you might think. you’re expecting me to say a jointer. or maybe a sander. and those are great tools to get. but i’d say the next step is to get a small cnc to quickly surface and template and batch-produce parts. you’re running a small growing business at this point, right? you need to improve your efficiency and accuracy as much as possible. i highly recommend looking at the avidcnc devices. you’ll never look back once you start using one of those things to produce your templates and it will take your craft to the next level. then you probably want to look at a jointer. but again don’t get a little jointer. if you can afford an 8”, get that. if you can’t, wait until you can. there’s no point getting a small one and selling it. you’ll never get the money back. segmented cutters are nice, too. but honestly they’re probably not worth it on the jointer like they are on the planer unless you’re flush with cash at this point cause they really shove the price up. a drum-sander is excellent but you probably want a spindle-sander first. at some point, though, it’ll save you a lot of time (and money) to have both. then you can take a serious look at whether to upgrade the original tools. a bigger, more powerful bandsaw and planer. a drill-press for more accuracy in a lot of tasks. and don’t forget the dust-collector to replace your veritable old shopvac. but we’re getting ahead of ourselves. this isn’t where you start. this is where you end up once things are going well. assuming you still like your choice of side-gig. or gig. cause at this point you might well be doing it for not just your bonus but your salary.

anyway, that’s the starting-point. and i’m sure others will have differing views on this. but this is my answer to the almost-age-old question of how to get started. bandsaw, planer, router, some hand-tools, a few basic power things you already have, a little space to work in, a bench and your desire to design and build things. ready to begin?

passion

[estimated reading time 2 minutes]

i rise with the dawn and shift the stones away from my eyes revealing the brightness of a life i thought just moments ago stolen by their night

i look down and touch the holes driven through my spirit by the nails of hatred and passion not healed or forgotten but no longer in focus

i stand as an infant lamb crawling from its manger at first light shaky on my newly-woken feet but gathering strength with each footstep i take

as i emerge from my nighttime tomb and push back the blankets of the morning mist i breathe not the air but taste the sunshine seeming to radiate from my face

i step out onto the mountain and catch my breath at the heaven of beauty alive around me in each note or birdsong i swallow as my eyes adjust to the reflections

the trees shimmer just at the edge of my vision as i follow the dove as it’s feet leave the branch without a moment of ripple and it pushes the boundaries between this world and the land of clouds and echoed spirits

i inhale the calm around me not for a second in stillness but the constant unhurried motion of the spirit flowing through the rocks and leaves scurrying in tiny paws and thundering in the distance in hooves barely seeming to break yet peaceful in their endless cycles in search of grass

my feet take me down the mountain path to the waiting eyes of humans fresh from their own cocoons and my voice splits the world of nature and civilization with a simple word of greeting shared in return by the startled crowds on the streets below

you believed morning would come and we would wake into it but you couldn’t be sure

yet here we are in the light not only of a new day but the treasure of moments devoted to nothing more than creating themselves as gifts arising from nothingness

you have risen with me

jesus’ prayers

[estimated reading time 3 minutes]

in honor of the easter celebrations sweeping the world this weekend, here are five new translations of jesus’ prayer, often oddly called “the lord’s prayer”, from the christian bible, the book of matthew. if you have found the traditional version of this prayer rather awkward — which most traditional liturgy tends to be for a bunch of reasons — these might connect more with your modern spirit.

1

you who gave me life
source of all i am
perfect energy
speak your light through me
so i may shine with your presence
as i become one with your new dawn
and walk in your footsteps
rather than my own

build me as a home
for your love
craft me as an echo of your truth
stretch out and mold me
with your compassionate fingers
so i may taste your essence
with each drop of water and mouthful of bread
i place against my tongue
giving you thanks
that i may wake into another sunrise

see my secrets
lost in the past but for your eyes
frozen in my memory
wipe me clean with your pure dreams
as i turn my eyes from those around me
shivering in shame yet
suddenly disappeared and beautiful
as you open my eyes to their peace

and free me from what i crave
shake my eyes from lust
and fracture my grasp
so i may let what tempts me
fall away
leaving me with breath
and space to fill with hope
liberated from fleeting desires
and painful thoughts

your power flows in my body and mind
yet in your image it tastes like calm
a song sung endlessly
to renew each life i touch
as you live through each moment of me

2

voice of living breathe
speaking purity from within
as each cell mirrors your face
i kneel at your feet
as i hear the echoes of your words

speak through me
and teach me your love
a life of compassion here on earth
a society of love in your image

feed my spirit with your understanding
as i taste the darkness
let it fill me with the sound of your light
wake in me unconditional peace
ripped from the jaws of desire and retribution
break the cycle of retribution
and show me the path to abundant calm
unclench my grasping fingers
as my palms mirror the touch of your peace

live me as a model of happiness
in the awakened sound of tranquility
reverberating endlessly in a lost world

3

wild voice of endless compassion
i kneel at your feet
and raise my eyes
at the sound of your peace
flowing through the ages
to craft a new peace in me
a mirror of your love
in endless memories of life

feed me with your wisdom
as my days swirl
in cycles of violence and hate
satisfy me with equanimity
as i accept this moment
and speak love
where once payback
was the endless ritual of truth

call out my failures
and strip me of my biases
steal my heart’s longings
and dry my tears from loss
as you turn my face
to the abundance of nature
and teach me to satisfy myself
as a mirror of your endless peace
tranquil in the world as it is
giving without seeking a return

thank you

you are the purity of love
wrapped endlessly through all i see
unending cycles of peace
within me
flowing out into the world

4

echo of spring rain
who gave me life
in that first moment and this
see yourself through my eyes
and taste compassion on my lips
as i sense you in each instant
and feel your love
radiating waves of hope
in the image of a new society

satisfy my longings with tranquility
and pacify my desperation
focus my restless energy
and walk me to the edge of comfort
where i see others’ faces
as mirrors of your dreams
shining lights in the darkness
i once believed they inhabited

shatter my desires
as each footstep
leads me to your peace

touch acceptance
and break my hold on objects
collected with gold
filled with lust
as i leave them behind
and replace them with your words

listen with my ears
to the ripples of your whispered calm
floating through the leaves of the forest
within my spirit
as i taste the calm of your endless waters
flowing through my life

5

love within each moment
promise of a hidden future
echoing peace like ocean waves
unstoppable in your relentless acceptance
speak endless truth through me
as i lose myself in you
reborn in a world
built as mirrors of your dreams
no longer the earth of suffering
but limitless compassion
become human

place your words on my tongue
with each passing sunrise
and let me speak in the voice of thankfulness
for the life that gives me hope
to walk paths no longer plagued with hate
giving me the wisdom to see your face
in each tree and river and life i touch
as they flow past me
and smile with your voice

whisper in my ears
to comfort the child still lost
in the wilderness of desire

teach me the steps
leading to tranquility
mirroring the lessons
you implant in each child
forgotten as the world works its dark magic
to ensnare hearts with its empty promises
reborn again with each footprint left on the earth
as i turn my face to see you
in the shimmering mist

teach me the tomorrow you dream of
the beauty of your love
and your limitless peace

i am yours

a timeline of responsibility

[estimated reading time 8 minutes]

much of the modern internet was created by a simple piece of legislation – the american “communications decency act”, specifically section 230 where it says “no provider or user of an interactive computer service shall be treated as the publisher or speaker of any information provided by another information content provider”. if you’re not a lawyer (which i’m certainly not), this has a very simple meaning. facebook, instagram, twitter and their social-media siblings can allow people to put whatever content they like on the internet and they’re not responsible. ever. they can’t be charged with a crime even if what’s posted there is criminal.

of course, this has built the internet, allowing people to share information without the companies enabling that sharing to take legal responsibility for it. and that’s generally a good thing because being able to share photographs and videos and messages is exactly what made the internet the single communications platform people rely on for everything from their meetings to their birthdays to their intimate affairs. the internet is all things to all people. but it’s not safe.

the next section of that law goes on to say any company that removes information that’s offensive or illegal is protected from the people who put it there in the first place and that’s definitely a start on what we now call “content moderation” but it’s very weak. it doesn’t mean they have to remove things that are problematic. it just means they can if they want to and not get in trouble for it.

many people (mark stoller, for example, one of the best-known critics of the law) have written calling for it to be eliminated. sadly, if it is, the internet as a platform for social media will simply stop existing. well, not quite. if the law stops existing and is replaced by another guaranteeing freedom from prosecution for the views of users on public platforms, it will continue. but without those protections facebook and instagram will open themselves to persecution with every post shared and simply won’t be able to exist — and people won’t post if they know each thing they submit has to be moderated before it goes live because that won’t allow instant-sharing, the whole reason the internet has become ubiquitous. delays aren’t part of people’s understanding of how technology works.

so we’re at an impasse, right? keep the protection and companies can allow hate speech, racism, discrimination and even calls to violence, not to mention intentional and harmful misinformation (trump, johnson and putin, i’m looking at you!) to continue to expand exponentially as automated writing tools and modification engines flood the protective walls of social media empires. remove the protection and suffocate the internet by starving it of its lifeblood — its continuous source of new material that makes it a place for young people to continue to spend every waking moment obsessively consuming its clickbait and conspiracies.

well, no. and this is the case for two completely different reasons but their combination may paint a way forward if the weak and mindless american leadership can contemplate action for a change to try to improve things. (given their lack of willingness to actively engage in protecting the ukraine out of either disinterest or racism, which i’m not quite sure or perhaps a combination, is unlikely and this is quite sad.) the first is that this is an american law and something else is working in a much larger population base already. the second is that the whole concept has ignored the idea of time — the internet used to be a permanent publication platform and in some ways still is but in more ways than ever it’s all about what’s happening right now, in this moment. this law comes from a time and understanding of the internet like a collection of books. the internet has become a never-ending stream of broadcast and that’s not the same thing.

first, though, let’s take a short trip east. you probably know wechat and its little brother weebo but tencent video and douban may be new to you. there are just as many massive social media platforms in china, though, as there are in all the western countries, which isn’t surprising because there’s as much population in china as in europe and the americas combined. and where there are people living modern lives there’s internet, social media and the question of responsibility.

while europe has realistically been able to ignore this problem completely (we know how the uk would answer the question, given that its government is so anti-education and anti-knowledge, though how the divided populations of france, germany and the scandinavian countries would see the issue is potentially more nuanced though irrelevant given the complete lack of serious media players in any of them), the american answer has provided the groundwork in the west because that’s where the companies live and have to be regulated. the approach the chinese government has taken to regulating information is much less black-and-white than its american counterpart — an oddity if you know much about chinese law, where strictness and public responsibility tend to be far more emphasized in favor of protecting the general public.

the simple answer, though, is this. people are much more responsible for the content they create. this has been somewhat overlooked in the mess in the west. the idea has been that either the company publishing it (facebook, instagram, twitter…) is responsible or nobody is. but that’s leaving out the person who made it in the first place. there is certainly a tradition in the west of “free speech”. but that free speech is a massive problem. while i don’t support the idea of free speech in general, this is a very specific case of it where it’s even more difficult to justify than elsewhere. because the internet isn’t a private room where everyone should certainly be allowed to talk without restriction. it’s a public stage. and we have laws, not to mention social guidelines, about what you’re allowed to say in front of a massive audience without it being considered reprehensible, dangerous and, in many cases, inciting violence and hate.

the chinese approach has been mostly to consider anything posted on the internet a public statement and judged things like misinformation and hate speech not on the basis of free individual interaction but by the same laws that would apply to any other distributed publication like a newspaper or book — spread hate, disinformation or offensive material and you will be prosecuted. this is the first step the west needs to take to deal with such things as misinformation about politics and health crises (antivax people, you can have a choice either of getting a shot or being shot but you have to choose one and choose it now).

it would also be a significant portion of the solution to deepfake (not just pornography but all deepfake) by making all individual creators legally responsible for the existence of artificial and misleading images and text and making such creation and existence illegal with the application of fines and jail — if the existence of an artificially-created photograph of a person without their consent was enough to put its creator behind bars for a decade, their proliferation would quickly come to an end.

second, though, is something a little more subtle. while american politics and laws are not known for their subtlety, this might be a case where a new leaf has to be not just turned over but rebuilt from the roots. we can stop thinking of the internet as a single thing — a mass-distribution platform — and start imagining it as two parallel streams — one of a flow of information and the other as a permanent publication repository. in other words, the internet is a public forum and a public library but not both indistinguishably at the same time. yes, as i said, this is subtle and nuanced.

as a public forum, people could continue to be able to interact whether in private discussions or in the public sphere with relatively little moderation. they would still have to be held accountable for what they say in the context of “if this was written in a newspaper article distributed around the world in print, would it be considered acceptable”. but that would realistically not be a huge limitation and it is perfectly reasonable to hold adults interacting accountable for the words they write and speak. if we can’t be responsible for our actions, we cease to be humans, don’t we? this is where instant-access social media, for example, would continue to thrive.

as a public library, however, far more moderation would not simply be permitted and protected if companies wished to do it but absolutely required. a law could be introduced to add the publisher to the list of those accountable in the legal and public sense for the content on their platforms — not immediately but after a time. for example, a law stating that social media publishers like facebook were responsible for all content published on their platform to public groups after twenty-four hours and to limited groups after seventy-two hours would mean they could continue to allow freely-posted information with only the creator taking responsibility for it for the first day (if public) or three (if to a smaller group) before their moderating team had to also be liable for it. it would give them time to remove it if it violated regulations about what is safe, true and appropriate without stifling the simultaneity of modern internet life. of course, this wouldn’t remove the individual creator from responsibility and that brings us to the third piece of this (yes, i know i said there were only two but this is actually a requirement of both so whether it’s a third is up to you to decide) — identity.

i have very strong beliefs about personal identity on the internet but a softer version would actually make both these solutions possible and a combined resolution to much of the problem of hate and disinformation on the internet. first, though, the complete and thorough answer before we look at how it could be solved without going that far, though i believe we eventually should continue down that path to the end.

i believe all information shared on the internet should have a name behind it. not a company name, not a pseudonym, not an organization. a name of a real person whose identity has been verified either by a government or a government-regulated private entity (facebook, for example, could have a department responsible for identity-checking its users). this would mean that each individual would have a single voice and be held accountable, not just legally but in the world of public awareness and opinion, for their actions. this may sound extreme but think about what the internet is. it’s like live television of the days before the internet. imagine in the sixties or seventies the idea of people getting on a live television news broadcast but neither the television network nor the viewers having any idea who the person is. why is this suddenly accepted today? not only does nobody know if you’re a dog on the internet, as the meme suggests, they don’t know if you exist at all or how many theoretical people you exist as — are you a bot? do you represent yourself or others? this must end or truth will simply cease to exist as time goes on.

that being said — and i’m certain the survival of our species and society depend on individuals being held accountable for what they say and create — it’s possible to implement both pieces of the solution we’ve been talking about today without walking that road to its inevitable end at the moment. don’t misunderstand — i am talking about eliminating anonymity and that’s fundamentally necessary for the internet to ever be a safe place. but it is possible to do this in a far-less-public way to get the first piece of the results to function in terms of social media responsibility.

while i believe it is necessary in the long-run for everyone to be responsible, liable and accountable publicly to everyone, perhaps all we need at the moment is for them to be accountable in the governmental sense — legally. what that would mean in practice is that they would have to be identifiable to the publication platform and that this information would be continuously-accessible by the government of the company where the platform existed and the government where the individual creator was at the time of creation but not to the general public. let’s think about this as an example. let’s say someone in germany posts on facebook. facebook would have to know who they are — not who they say they are but their real, passport-validated identity. that information would be attached to each of their posts but not shared on the site. the american government (home of facebook) and the german government (home of the act of creation and posting) would know who the person was. the person would then be held responsible for anything they shared (which should mean everything is ok because almost all content is perfectly fine — we’re only talking about hate speech and misinformation and other illegal content being restricted, not the general free flow of conversation). after a period of days, facebook would also be responsible but the creator would continue to be held accountable for it, too. what this would do is pave the way for the elimination of misinformation, artificial content and hate speech without being nearly as damaging to the social media companies as total responsibility for content or as weak as the current protective legal framework.

what this means is that, despite many voices arguing the opposite, there is a clear path out of this that doesn’t perpetuate the cycle of hate and harm but doesn’t destroy the basis for the internet and its fundamental free-flow of information. i hope you have gotten something out of this path of thoughts today. thank you so much for lending me your eyes and minds for a few minutes.

thank you for reading. your eyes have done me a great honor today.